


"I Was Ravished By Bigfoot" by Ned 'Cryptidslut' Chicane

by VeetVoojagig



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Bigfoot Erotica, Erotic Friend Fiction, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-26 07:05:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18177431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeetVoojagig/pseuds/VeetVoojagig
Summary: The incredible story of a simple museum curator's nighttime encounter.





	"I Was Ravished By Bigfoot" by Ned 'Cryptidslut' Chicane

**Author's Note:**

> Extremely excited to be a part of the TAZ Amnesty Mini Bang! Keep watching this spot for links to my spectacular artist and some fine ass pictures.
> 
> [Art by the fabulous albaaca!](http://albaaca.tumblr.com/post/183586411252/some-drawings-i-did-for-the-amnestyminibang-i)

I run a respectable cryptid museum on the outskirts of Kepler, West Virginia. It’s right up against the woods, which is great for atmosphere, but not as great for ease of visiting. People find it, though, if it’s where they need to be. 

Turns out, though, it’s not only people who can find it if it’s where they need to be. 

It had been a full and prosperous day, myriad interested museum visitors traipsing through until closing time. I’m stashing away some of the more valuable of the exhibits in secure rooms when I hear the door open. I turn quickly, sure that I had already bolted it, but I must have been mistaken, for there it is, wide as anything, with a shadowy figure outlined by the single streetlight outside. 

“My apologies, sir or madam, I’m afraid we’re closed,” I say, waving with a flourish. “If you wish to return, we open again at ten A.M.” 

A low grunt is the only answer I receive as the visitor steps forward into the light of the shop--ah, museum. My eyes widen as I realize that my customer is not a customer at all, but the mighty Sasquatch. I’m not a small man, but I have to look up into his furry face to meet his eyes. It takes me a moment, though, because under all the hair, I can tell his chest is covered with taut muscles. Bigfoot is, as they say, built. 

It’s been a long time since my younger days when I was popular in the club scene, when I could go home with a different lovely man every night. I suppose that’s why I’m checking out the cryptid in front of me. Sheer desperation. 

Of course, his thick fur does little to hide his tight, hard body, as I’ve mentioned already, so I really don’t feel that I should be blamed for my mind wandering slightly. 

I’d say my mind stopped wandering, though, and started sprinting or even cartwheeling as my eyes slip lower and notice the huge appendage between his legs. My breath catches, and as if feeling my regard as a physical force, Bigfoot’s dick starts to swell and harden. I look up again and find the creature gazing at me intently. We stand for a moment, frozen, then he moves surprisingly quickly given his size. I find myself pinned against the counter behind me by his bulk, his immense cock pressing against me. Before I can do more than let out a surprised moan, he’s grabbing my shirt and ripping it off me, dropping it in shreds onto the floor. I drop my hands and undo my belt quickly, scrabbling out of my pants before they get the same treatment. I’m not a wealthy man, all my profits go into improving the museum, so I can’t afford to replace clothes all the time. 

I’m going commando, which just makes things easier. Generally, I just enjoy the freedom, but in times like this, it’s certainly a bonus.

Bigfoot gives a grunt that sounds appreciative, and I smirk up at him. I may be a bit older than I was, but I’m still in fairly good shape. Maybe a little bit of gray sprinkled in among my chest hairs, but I’m told it looks distinguished. The cryptid doesn’t seem to mind. His hands move over my chest, fingers brushing my nipples and making sparks fly through me. I groan and arch against him, rubbing my own growing man meat against him. 

His hands grip my hips, lifting me up and twisting me around. He bends me over the counter, pinning me there with big, meaty hands on my shoulders. Not that I’m complaining. There’s nowhere I’d rather be than right here. 

I grind my ass against him encouragingly. “Come on, big boy, you know what you want, and it’s right here.” I reach back and smack my ass playfully, biting my lip. Oh, I want some of that Bigfoot dick. I groan in my need.

He doesn’t waste any more time, one hand still holding me down, and the other grabbing my hip, holding me just where he wants me. I try to wiggle a bit, just because, and his grip tightens. I moan wantonly. “Oh, Bigfoot, give me that Bigdick,” I cry. He grunts excitedly and I feel his huge cock pressing against my ass. 

He pushes into me quickly, and I cry out at the sudden intrusion. The fur on his dick is oiled with something, so he slides in easily, despite his girth stretching me to my very limits. I’ve taken some large cocks in my day, but this is without a doubt something else. He keeps pushing, deeper than I’ve ever felt, and I groan. “I’m so full of your Sasquatch dick,” I say breathlessly. I can feel his large balls pressed up against my ass as he buries himself to the hilt. I squirm as much as I can as he holds me down, desperate for him to move. 

When I’m starting to think I can’t stand it anymore, he pulls back, almost all the way out, then shoves back in. I scream in pleasure as the whole length of him drags along my prostate. “Oh, that’s so good,” I say. “Take me, Bigfoot, use me for your pleasure!” 

The Sasquatch growls and starts fucking me hard, and I love every minute of it. I’m clawing at the counter beneath me, groaning with each thrust, heat pooling in my belly as he draws me closer and closer to the brink. I work my hand down, curling it around my dick and jacking myself off in time with his powerful thrusts. 

Suddenly a large hand slaps my wrist out of the way and my inhuman lover snarls before wrapping his own hand around my turgid flesh. I’m completely engulfed by his thick, hot fingers. He leans down, his breath hot against my ear. His tongue lathes against the side of my face. It seems affectionate in its way. I can’t focus on that, though, because he slams into me hard right then and I give a cry. “Ohhhh, I’m gonna cum!” I shout. 

He squeezes my cock and gives an encouraging grunt, and my balls tighten, emptying their load in hot spurts into Bigfoot’s milking hand, sending ropes of jizz onto the genuine Loch Ness Monster scales on the counter I hadn’t gotten around to putting away yet. Oh, that will be a devil to clean. 

I can’t think about that for long, because the cryptid is ramming my ass quickly through my orgasm, and soon his hot, Bigfoot seed is pumping into my used asshole until there’s no more room and it leaks out around his dick. He pulls out and his spunk splashes down my legs, escaping its tight confines, and he paints my back with a few more spurts. I even feel some in my hair. 

I lever myself up on my elbows and look back over my shoulder at him. He’s rubbing a slow circle on my hip with one hand, but when he sees me looking he touches my cheek with his other hand. Unfortunately it’s the one I came in, so he smears some of my own love juices onto my face. I smile in sated contentment, however, and turn my head to lick one of his large fingers. He pats my head gently and I close my eyes. 

After a moment I realize I don’t feel him anymore, and I push myself away from the counter and look around. The museum is empty. The door stands open. 

I move awkwardly to stare out into the parking lot, my ass aching from its delightful slamming. I don’t care that I’m naked and covered in cum. I just need to see if there’s any trace of my mysterious cryptid lover.

But he’s gone. All I can do is wonder if I’ll ever see him again.

_The Cryptonomica is located in Kepler, West Virginia, just off Route 6155. Stop by for a visit._

 

 

“So, what do you think?”

Aubrey Little looked up from the laptop, a collection of expressions crossing her face. “Well, I’ve got a couple of thoughts,” she said carefully. “The first is... whyyyyyy?” 

Ned Chicane put a hand on her shoulder and grinned. “Advertising, of course!” he said boisterously. “There’s a huge market for this kind of thing, and they’d love to visit my humble establishment. And what’s more, they’ll pay _me_ to read it. It’s brilliant, I should have thought of this months ago.” 

“All right, I guess that makes sense,” she said dubiously. “But, uh, you know Barclay’s going to kill you, right? And what if Agent Stern sees it?” 

He waved a hand, unconcerned. “Oh, nevermind that. What reason would Stern have for trolling Amazon for Bigfoot porn? Besides, if he says anything, I could just write another one where he joins in. That’ll show him.” 

Aubrey gave a muffled snort-laugh. “Okay, I might pay to see that. But what about Barclay? He’s already cranky about the video, this’ll just add to it, right? And, uh, is it really like that? With him?” She gestured at the words still on the screen. 

“Hm? Oh, no,” Ned said with a smirk. “He lays me down gently on soft sheets and makes tender love to me while whispering sweet nothings in my ear. But this is what people want to read.” He patted the top of the laptop screen. “I wasn’t exaggerating about his dick, though. In human form it’s definitely in the top five, and in Full Bigfoot… hachi machi.” He winked charmingly. 

“Gross,” Aubrey said with a grin. “Look, I’m happy for you. And this was, um, really fun to read? I hope you don’t get in trouble for it.” She pushed the computer back towards him. 

Ned pushed the top down. “Thank you, my dear Aubrey. I knew you were the right person to assist me.” He chuckled softly. “I appreciate you taking time out of your busy schedule to come visit me. And to address your other concern, don’t worry. I can handle Squatch Boy quite easily.” He winked again. 

She reached up and punched his shoulder, grinning. “You’re awful. Want me to send your boyfriend to you when I get back to the Lodge? I could tell him to come bend you over the counter,” she said innocently. 

The older man raised his eyebrows. “Please do,” he said. She should have known not to challenge him. He had very little shame, after all. “Writing it made me pretty hot.” 

“Gross,” she said again, but she couldn’t hide her laugh. “I’ll tell him you miss him.” 

“Thanks, my dear,” he chuckled. 

Aubrey gave him a thumbs up over her shoulder as she sauntered out of the museum, and Ned reopened the computer to, ah, enjoy his piece of literature once more.


End file.
